I’m working on a special project and would like input from time to time and this is your chance to give me yours. In May, I posted a topic about love and romance. Today, I want to know your views on open marriage.
Can an open marriage work for a committed couple? And if so, what kind of commitment is found in an open marriage?
Since I write a lot of ménage romance, I’ve often thought about the concept of an open marriage. I wonder how well it actually works for the couples agreeing to such a liberal arrangement.
Personally, I believe that there must be something substantial missing from a relationship when two people reach an understanding for an open marriage. However, I'm not closed to the idea that a mutual understanding for an open marriage could potentially save a relationship. But once that line is crossed, the couple should understand they no longer have a textbook marriage but something else altogether.
Let’s consider the reasons for an open marriage too. Why do couples find an open marriage necessary? Are there valid reasons? I’m assuming there are often plenty. Maybe one partner didn’t offer the other what they needed behind closed doors. Maybe the other refused to give their partner the kind of love and compassion he or she needed. Perhaps the spice in life is gone and there’s nothing else to do but to move outside the marriage to find the excitement again. Could it be that the relationship is dead anyway and an arrangement is the last effort to save the relationship? And where does trust fit in?
Trust, I would think, isn’t in existence in an open marriage. Am I wrong? I’d love to know. I mean do those involved in an open marriage sit down and discuss their affairs? Do they compare notes? Or is it taboo for discussion?
When I was a teenager, there were some known ‘swingers’ in our hometown. On the outside looking in, I remember thinking these people were just like everyone else. Why? Well, they were just like everyone else. Believe it or not, they also seemed to have better marriages than everyone else. How can that be? Is it possible?
Today, we’re a divorce-friendly society. It’s easy to walk away from a marriage. I’m not suggesting divorce is easy from the emotional standpoint but rather from the legal aspect. Our laws, by and large, have made it possible to end a marriage without a lot of red tape in many states. Sure, if children are involved, the process of finalizing a divorce may take longer but overall, if someone isn’t happy in a marriage, they can walk out, seek legal advice, file the papers, and start the process within a few hours.
So when two people are unhappy, they divorce. On the other hand, what if a man and woman can't love one another anymore but they love the idea of family? What if two people can’t live together in harmony but decide it’s too hurtful to live apart because of children or even financial reasons? If an arrangement is made to have an open marriage, is it possible that this understanding can actually save a marriage and a family?
My mother is a romantic. She’s always been Miss Romance. In her world, love is wonderful. Love is romance and romance is one of her main reasons for living. Now, keep in mind, her marriages haven’t been ideal by any stretch of the imagination. Notice the plural form. Her husband isn’t necessarily romantic—by her own confirmation and not my suspicions—but she’s still a hopeless romantic dedicating her life to a committed relationship. I wonder—can romance be found in an open marriage?
Give this topic some thought. Tell me your views. With the demand for polyamory books rising, we have a lot of possibilities for discussion on the subject. Polyamory—the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at one time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved—tops romance charts. These books sell like hotcakes. Why? What do you think readers are looking for when they purchase one polyamory book after another? Sure, it’s fantasy—or is it? Should it be?
I want to hear your opinions. Let’s talk real life. In my opinion, there must be something really wrong in a marriage for one or both partners to step outside the marriage on a search for romance, satisfaction, and maybe even love and/or acceptance. When a person communicates their desire for an open marriage, maybe they’re saying to their partner, “There’s something wrong with us. Fix us.”
Is that a sound assumption or are these couples so unhappy that they’ll do anything to find a little joy in their lives again? Is it possible that an open marriage is the only solution, outside of divorce? Can a discreet open marriage save a family and if so, there’s no harm done, or is there?
Tell me what’s on your mind! I want to hear from you! ;)
Love and hugs,