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Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Is everybody in a BAD mood?

Gees. I’ve decided it must be true. Everybody, everywhere must have a gripe or two. This morning, for example, I opened up my email with my first cup of Folgers nearby and I read a few email messages. Hey, I even planned to answer them. Shew, what a mistake. In fact, I think I’m going to start doing everything in reverse order. Maybe the day would go a little better.

I’ve decided in our industry few people know the old adage—“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Instead, it’s “do this and do that” and oh yeah, “kiss my sitter-downer after you do it.” I just can’t get over some of the attitudes I’ve faced in one morning. Is everyone miserable or do they just use this kind of thing to eliminate the perceived competition? I really don’t know because some of the emails I received today just did not make sense--at all. I feel like placing my email on an auto-responder with "Newsflash--there's room for everyone in this business." If you don't believe me, visit Amazon. Good grief, toddlers write for publication now. Their stories unfold in the womb.

I’ve decided to change up the way I do business. Tomorrow morning, I’m going to try out a new concept—reverse order. This way, no one has the opportunity to interfere with my productive day. Of course, I generally live by another adage anyway, “No one can ruin your day unless you let them.” Reverse order makes sense to me. See what you think:

1. Get up (on the left side of the bed because yes, I typically get up on the right).

2. Go straight to the refrigerator and pour a glass of red wine. (Yes, red-- not white) I need my heart pumping when you consider what I write.

3. Put the kids to bed even though they just got up. Hey, I like this concept already.

4. Watch the news (local won’t be on but CNN will do).

5. Cook dinner. It will be on the stove for anyone who is later interested.

6. Write--and sure, I may edit too since I'll be in such a fantastic mood.

7. Answer emails (even those I'd rather avoid). I can do it with a smile. After all, I’m going to bed. By morning, everything is all but forgotten.

8. Drink my coffee (of course now it will be decaf since I won't need to stay awake for the challenges found in some email letters).

9. Go to bed and allow the teenagers to get up. They’ll like this new schedule, I’m sure.

10. Start my day again. Okay, so I may need to go visit the winery if I’m going to try this but a new agenda certainly has its charms.

You know, I just don’t ‘get’ it. I really don’t. It takes as much energy to be nice to someone as it does to be a thorn in their side. Imagine. What if the entire world tried this 'do unto others' approach? Wow, there's an idea.

After a few years in an industry drowning with women, I’ve had to change up the way I do things. Admittedly, I was very, very gullible when I first entered the book business. I came from a ‘man’s world’ and the petty little one-ups you face with one out of every three or four women didn’t exist there. Most men, will look you in the eye and say what they mean and mean what they say. I grew up with these guys. I was the only girl in the family for 12 years before my sister finally decided to grace us with her presence.

Later in life, I worked with men. My friends were men. I gambled with men and watched ballgames with, you got it--men. I have women friends but they're like me--they're face value so when I entered into a world dominated by women, it took some 'getting used to' and I still haven't quite adjusted. Maybe I never will.

Women aren’t geared up like men (and yes, I’ve known this for some time). Thanks to a few reminders and hard learned lessons, I now refuse to answer my phone. I try to avoid those who always have some sort of time-wasting element to share. I don’t want to hear someone tell me something 'someone' said or did-- or hell, even imagined.

I don’t want to hear what I should’ve done instead of what I did. I’m an adult. I don’t need to be scolded like a child by complete strangers. And well, I won’t be. At least, not on a daily basis. I don’t really care what a complete stranger might think when they want to penalize others for something where absolution is never found.

In the broad scheme of things, in my small little corner of the world—it does not matter. Tomorrow will come and I’ll forget about it so why would someone even waste their negative energy firing it my way. In fact, I have a smart solution—I’m going to send these folks to the spam folder from now on because it’s where they belong—spam.

Now, I’m off to dump the coffee. I think the reverse order should start today. This way, I can put the kids back to bed and yep, avoid emails. Who knows, I might get more accomplished this way. I guess a little negative this morning went a long way—it certainly doesn’t discourage me. It only inspires and I have a lot of creative energy waiting to unleash. I’ll get back to work now. Enough venting.

Try to make someone’s day—you never know when they might truly need a good one!




Anika Hamilton said...

Definitely keep us up to date on how the reverse actions work out for you.


And red wine in the morning, give me some.

Cassie Exline said...

Here's one gal not in a bad mood. I'm happy and cheerful and probably annoying someone by being so. Here's to wine. Cherrs Baby!

Destiny Blaine said...

Hey Cassie and Anika!

Thanks so much for stopping by! LOL!

Cassie, you bring up a great point--happy people annoy those who aren't! LOL! I bet I can irritate the best of them.

Anika, the red wine in the morning was a passing thought--and a good one too! Don't 'cha think? Let's try it tomorrow and see if we like it. *Smiles*

Thanks again for stopping in!

Hugs, Destiny :))

Wendi said...

LOL! Hugs on the crabby emails. Who would want to be mean to someone as sweet as you? What's this world coming to? :) I'm working on that "if you can't say something nice..." concept with my son right now.

I hope tomorrow's in box is full of smiles. :)

Wendi Darlin (who tries very hard to keep my mouth shut when I can't think of something nice to say.)

Anonymous said...

Dearest Destiny,

Cannot even believe I was led to this! You have described EXACTLY what I was feeling today! I even recently joined some groups thinking that they must be populated with positive peeps and energy--only to find that many of them are sick, broke, disgusted, etc. What's say you start a positive group for all of us who would LOVE to be with others of that feather! :) Your voice to my feelings has made my day!

Thanks!!! MUCH LOVE!!!! Eva

Lindsay Townsend said...

Hey, Destiny!
Here's to red wine and straight-forward dealing!
Take care of yourself.
Best, Lindsay

Ian O'Neill said...

Those must have been some nasty e-mails to set you on this path. I tend to ignore those kinds of things and do your own thing. It's amazing how distance and, in some cases, anonymity, give people the nerve they need to say whatever they want. Do your thing - backwards, forwards or however it makes sense for you. Good on ya!


Tarot By Arwen said...

I'm liking this! I'm in a GREAT mood today but yesterday? HOO BOY! I was one cranky camper! :) But I will have a glass of red with you.

Minnette Meador said...

I think the wine's a great idea...but red? Ok, I can live with that. Don't let the harpies get you you, babe. Honestly, there are only about 2% really. They just keep the rest of us good guys down, that's all. We need to unite, as Eva said! So, I'm starting with you by adding your blog into my RSS feed (just figured out how to do that and have it pop up in Outlook so I can stay on top of these - yeah!). I'm also going over to buy another one of your's that for cheering you up? Then, I'm going to tell you something I don't think you hear enough of; Des, you are one of the grandest people I know...better than a hero...better than a peace are a creative goddess and are loved by people who deserve you. Take that with you when you put the kids down. Hope the rest of your week unfolds well...maybe turn the email off for a while? Love ya! Now I've got to get back to my own, us creative's a never ending thrill, isn't it? Minnette :)

Silapa Jarun said...

Pssst...share us a few excerpts of these emails on the siren-bookstrand author's loop. You can delete all identification in the email---I just need a good laugh.

I think alot of what people write to each other in email is because they feel they can get away with it because it's not "face to face" interaction.

Morgan Ashbury said...

Actually red wine is now considered a healthy alternative. So drink up, my dear.

I've never understood the entire out for number one thing, and I especially don't understand it in this business. I'm a bit naive, but I treat everyone I meet as a colleague. That is especially true of those who are with the same publisher as I am.

I refuse to acknowledge grabby e-mails, and I tend to keep to myself. But I have that essay thing I do weekly and that sure gets me shot at from time to time.

I just don't let it really get to me, and I won't let it change my basic approach. I'm still going to look at y'all (I can use that as I have been to TEXAS twice in one year)as sisters and brothers, not competitors.


Destiny Blaine said...

To everyone who posted—thanks for stopping by—you all make the world a better place and if you’re still around, come on back and post a blurb or excerpt/link for your upcoming books. You all rock the romance world (and yeah, add a lot of spice to it too)

Wendi, I laughed right along with you on the son comment. I have one of those ‘sons’ too! I thought of you this morning as I was blogging and even stopped blogging long enough to think about your true words of wisdom. I think it’s so important to support one another in this business and I just wish more people could be like you woman!

Eva, I’m so glad you found us over here today! In fact, join us over at Just Another Paranormal Monday whenever you can and you’ll see a bunch of smiling faces every Monday! :) AND one of the great things about JAPM is we buy from within! LOL! Okay, so we buy outside of our group too but it’s a great place to find out about some phenomenal authors and the stories behind their books, In fact, we have an ‘Eva’ over there—are you there yet? Loads of hugs lady! ;))

Lindsay, you are so cute! I just love it when you show up with a smile and great excerpt or two. We all need to get together as Eva suggested and form a ‘happy’ loop (complete with pom-poms and chocolate covered football players) Okay so I’m kidding about the players but not about the chocolate….

Hey Ian, I typically dismiss the ‘bad emails’ (which are mostly negative more so than outright slams) but one in particular truly set me off on this path and I felt like rather than justify it with a response—I’d blog about it. I sort of felt the need to go public with this sort of thing anyway. You're right on about the anonymity because it often allows for all sorts of things—whenever I read some of the funny reviews on Amazon, I’m quickly reminded of it—yikes!:))

Arwen, Are you kidding me? You roll into Monday like it’s nothing. You carry a smile (not to mention fabulous books) wherever you go. And about the red wine—I have a feeling it won’t last long around this group! :)

Minnette, Thank you! I laughed and laughed about the ‘harpies’ Now…where do I add you to a RSS feed? Is this the blog roll? If so, I have you added but my web talent (not to mention the lingo I need to understand it) leaves a lot to be desired when it comes to blogging. ;) And let me just say, you know how to make a gal stand up and pay attention. Compliments and buying and adding and…and..and…well, you just make a girl feel kind of special-- I ditto the sentiments woman! ;))

Hey Silapa,

You're a hoot!!! I have a feeling the emails I had today are better left deleted and/or sent to the spam filter. I’m not sure any of these warranted even a grin today but that’s okay, I’ll smile tomorrow. My fingers have been hard at work today pounding out some more story for my Winning Virgin series and I even wrote another 5k for a casino trilogy I'm pitching soon. So it all works out in the end. Of course, I still don't plan to ever answer my phone while I'm working. Who has time to gab and write? ;))

Thanks again all--come on back and post some of your excerpts or links!

Nina Pierce said...

Destiny, I can't even imagine what someone could say negative about you! Pshaw ... water on a duck's back ... oops, that's a cliche, someone slap my hand! *vbg*

Take care of yourself and "spam" them emails!

Regina Carlysle said...

Well honey, if you decide to do the red wine in the morning thingy, I'll do it TOO!!! Sounds like a non-stressful way to start the day to me. Seriously, we're all in this game together. Never know when you'll need a friend or TEN.

Great Blog! I'm going to link up.


Destiny Blaine said...

Hey Morgan!

I agree with what you said and by the way, since you’re touring around Texas (and checking out the south) how about a trip to the ‘Deep South’ where you can put some of that good southern lingo to use? With the ya’ll down pat, you’ll fit right in! :)

I read your Wednesday’s Words and enjoy your column. I know when an author is ‘out there’ on loops and blogs, they set themselves up for feedback. Of course, I think the best we can hope for is to receive more positive rather than negative.

I want to thank you for your support. You operate your business in a ‘pattern’ to be followed and the more I know about you, the more frequently I take my hat off to you.

Thanks for dropping by!

Hey Nina!

Thanks for posting! I haven’t heard that adage in quite some time! LOL. Today was one of those days where it was my ‘turn’ to catch it from all sides so what else was there to do but blog about it? (Also known as 'whine' and I think I managed that effectively—lol) Ah well, I like to vent every now and then. :)) Great stress reducer for a Tuesday.

Hey everyone! Guess what? I’m blogging with Nina at "Around the Writer's Block" on August 18th so be sure to join us! In fact, if anyone is still around, check out the updates on my website and you’ll see more information about it at

Hugs to all!
Destiny :)

Destiny Blaine said...

Hey Regina!

Thanks for stopping by! I think the wine packs a punch here, doesn’t it? LOL. We’ll all just have to get together for a workshop. We’ll drink, write, and be merry. *Snickers* I’m not sure how quickly we’ll meet our deadlines but we’ll have a good time with all this awesome company! :)

Yeah…the wine sounds like a plan!

Talk to you soon!


Bitten by Books said...

LOL Destiny


I am liking the red wine in the morning. Or are you going to start at night since it is reverse order? :)

Midnyte Dupree said...

Destiny - you're great! I so love this reverse approach. And your paragraph -- "In the broad scheme of things, in my small little corner of the world—it does not matter." --- I absolutely love this and feel the same way. LOL Have a great day...or reverse day.

Midnyte Dupree

Paula said...

Best of luck doing your morning backwards.
Why is it when people are on the cumputer or sending e-mails, they don't think they have to use manners.
Enjoy your wine and SMILE, tomorrow is a new day.

TamiC said...

Destiny I can't stay, but wanted to stop by and say hello to everyone hope you all have a great night!

Aithne Jarretta said...

Hi Destiny,

Very insiteful. Yet you made me laugh. Thanks for such a wonderful blog post. I'm going to rethink my day, too. ;o)

Destiny Blaine said...

Hi Everyone!

Minnette, I thought I added you to my blog roll earlier but I couldn't find you! Now, you’re added! :)

Look who else has stopped by tonight! WOOT! You all just rock the book world! Waving to Rachel, Midnyte, Paula, Tami, and Aithne!!!!

Rachel, I knew if you stopped by you’d have a chilled glass in hand! Smart gal!

Midnyte, lol—I realized after I posted this that I should’ve sent my blog out for an edit! My “little small” corner would’ve been thrown out at first edits. *Sigh* Hey,where have you been hiding this week? :))

Hey Paula! Long time ‘no see’ so where have you been lady? I miss you when I don’t chat with ya! Hope everything is great with you.

Tami! Woman, I can’t keep up with the Tami-women in my life! Is this Tami from Tri-Cities, Tennessee? If so, send me an email at because I need to send you something! :)

(Blowing kisses to Aithne) Thanks for ending my night on a good note! You are a ray of sunshine, lady! Hope to see you chatting soon!

Hugs to all!


P.S. Check out the blog roll now! We’re rolling…rolling…rolling….

Lara Santiago said...

I had to laugh at your title because I often feel exactly the same way.

Have you ever tilted your head back and chanted, "Why can't we all just get along?"
Okay, maybe it's just me. ;)

I was led here by the promise of cool Jinger covers...and by the way...they are awesome! :)

Hugs to you and let me know how that wine first thing in the moring works out for you. I might try a test run on that myself.

Dawn said...


You've hit the nail on the head with this post. Oh, the many, many times I've deleted e-mails because I simply don't have time for the negativity.

I wish more people would realize that there is room in this world for everyone. It doesn't matter what you write, where you write, or how often you write.

Personally, I think if you have time to write a negative e-mail, you have time to write a positive article...which could earn money. How much money are these people getting paid for these nasty, negative e-mails?

As far as the red wine goes, blech! Never have been a fan of red wine. Tastes like rubbing alcohol to me, but I'm all for starting the day out with something a little stronger than my cup of Folgers!

Great post, Destiny! You're a class act!


Savanna Kougar said...

Destiny, wow! I guess I'm not notorious enough yet (not good in the book-selling world) -- thank the heavens, though, to get negative e-mails.
Growing up I hung out with the guys for the very reasons you mentioned. I just couldn't get into the whole gossip-crap on everyone else thing that was popular.
It wasn't until I started working in the female retail business that I even learned what I term 'estrogen speak'. Not a put-down, everyone. Not at all! I learned a great deal from these mostly wonderful ladies. But, honestly, I'm still not that good at relating this way sometimes.
I truly luv the comradrie of being with other authors and readers -- all of you. And I think the more we work with and for each other, the more we will all accomplish, not only in sales, but in our continued growth as authors.
There is definitely enough room for all of us. Because readers like different books, real simple!
One reason I pursued e-publishing is because I wanted the openess of new frontiers, and the variety of books that simply aren't available, IMHO, from the NY publishers. We have an opportunity to drive the market more and more. We, together, we!

Destiny, thanks for stopping by the SEx Liquid Silver blog.

Welcome to Destiny Blaine's Online Journal

Welcome to Destiny Blaine's Online Journal
"An Award Winning Bestselling International E-book and Paperback Author, Destiny Blaine and her pseudonyms top the charts at Amazon, Bookstrand, Barnes and Noble, ARE, Mobipocket, and other retailers online and off. Scroll down for a list of available titles, works in progress, and coming soon dates for debut titles.”

Author Bio

An award-winning, international bestselling erotic romance author, Destiny Blaine writes under several pen names. She lives in East Tennessee and spends a lot of time in Connecticut and Virginia, where her granddoll resides.